Have you tried the latest weight loss fad? It works great! Wear a camouflaged BDU, strap on 25 lbs of tactical vest, air tank, paintball pods, and a protective mask that seals your eyes and face in a plastic enclosure that doesn’t breathe. Wear heavy army boots with extra socks for foot protection. Put a protective cap or bandanna on the surface of your body that traps the most heat. Don’t forget the sweat trapping knee and elbow pads. Carry 4 lbs of marker (that’s the weight before you add the scope, stock, hopper full of paint, and extended barrel) in a ready-fire position on your shoulder for 8 hours.

Now, do this in the 100 degree heat of a sunny, sauna-like Carolina day.  Send your check to the Tango Alpha2 Weight Loss Center and watch for our Valerie Bertinelli commercial coming soon!

Click Read More to learn more about this amazing weight loss program!

But Wait! There’s More! 

Do all of the above and I guarantee you will lose weight. At least for that day. Provided you live. What? You want more? Oh yeah, did I forget to tell you to run through the woods for 8 hours where the trees prevent any breeze from even thinking about cooling you off? Already sweating from nervous tension because ten other guys are trying to shoot you in the head. Jenny Craig can kiss my camouflaged butt!

Team: Tango Alpha2 went out this Saturday to practice. Evidently, we are either too gutsy or too stupid to watch the Weather Channel.The temperature reached 100 (in the shade) and the Heat Index/Chill Factor was “feels like… a bathtub full of white hot molten lead”. The humidity level ranged some where around 120% to “you’re underwater dumbass!” You know, a typical summer day in the Carolinas.

Don’t Just Survive… Kill Something.

 Surprisingly, we not only survived our own practice, but enjoyed the day and had a great practice. I hear you ask “But how can we share the joys of playing paintball in the middle of a solar flare?” Admit it. You were thinking it. Well, Sparky, let me tell you what we did. Add comments if have additional suggestions.

• Hydrate- nothing is more important than this. Most of us wear an insulated hydration CamelBaks and fill them with ice cubes which melts into ice water.
• Debrief - no, Bunky, this does not mean, “stop the practice and take off your boxers” (no pun intended, X-Man), it means to take frequent breaks and discuss what just happened and how you can improve it. It goes without saying (or maybe not) to take the break in whatever shade you can find nearby.
• Ice Up- this comes from Camo Ken and Turtle on our team - instead of wearing Kevlar plates, put frozen Blue Ice sheets in your tactical vest. It keeps your core temperature down, and as an added bonus, softens the impact of paintballs hitting your ribs. Most vests have inner pockets and hydration pockets, slide Blue Ice into these and replace it often.
• Hydrate- bring double the cooler space and water you normally bring. Besides your own personal hydration needs, your teammates may not only have missed the Weather Channel, but don’t know what Wal-Mart or tap water is, so bring extra, extra water bottles iced down to the max. It’s more stuff to carry to the staging area, but that beats having to carry Joe-Bob off the field.
• Laugh at the Heat - Try to joke around. Laughter will keep you from crying or whining and nobody likes to see a man in camouflage sob.
• Take a shower - while on a break, pour a bottle of ice water over your head (or if you’re Mad Loki, dump ice down your crotch!). The shock of the ice water is over in seconds, will bring your body temp down and you’re already soaked from sweat anyway, why not be cooler and wet. Hot, wet and sticky is a good date, but not so much for paintball.

Stay tuned for “Bringing the Heat Part 2″ in a couple of days.