Paintball has very little to do with real life. It’s pretend war. It’s playing the indestructible hero. It’s raining righteous destruction on your foes and surviving to do it again. Bad news Tater, real life isn’t like that. But there is at least one instance where life and paintball have some startling similarities.

Theories and Sewage

Paintball and real life share a common thread and that is “people”.  Welcome to the Wingman’s “Cynical Revelation of Average Population” Theory (the C.R.A.P. Theory for short). Cynical, because the rose colored glasses are a bit more of a sewer brown tint and the theory is based on the “Average Population” means that on any given subject that half the people are below average. The theory can apply to any human trait. This is not black and white, but a gradient scale of gray hues that can apply to Appearance, Attitudes, Temperament, and yes, Einstein, even Intelligence.

For the purposes of this article, we’re using the the C.R.A.P. Theory as it applies to Ethics and Temperament.

Live By The Balls, Die By The Balls

Humans play paintball much the same way as they live their lives. Humanity as a rule is imperfect, present company excluded, of course. It’s a fact. Take any large number of people and a certain percentage are going to be jerks, or saints. Now, the percentage may fluctuate up and down depending on the group and criteria.

Taking a cynical look at paintball, you can make some (possibly erroneous) assumptions. For example, given that the average age is low, the corresponding Maturity factor is equally low. I mean, come on, we are “playing” soldier (”Bang! You’re dead!”) In the paintball community, Aggression, Impatience and Competitive tendencies will be higher than average in a larger than average number of people skewing these particular C.R.A.P. indices higher. Don’t even get me started about the ethical tendencies instilled by a whole generation growing up with video games and movies ruled by lack of consequences, cheat codes and instantaneous respawning. This has created a generation with a sense of entitlement and a gray moral mindset especially when it comes to games and competitions.

Okay, now you have a highly aggressive, impatient, competitive group with a high Immaturity index, who  have been programmed since birth to ignore rules and ethics by their entertainment media. The propensity to cheat and bend the rules is definitely higher with this group than your average citizens. I am not saying that all, or even the majority, of paintballers are dishonest. By far, most are highly ethical players who wouldn’t dream of purposely bending the rules. But the percentage of less-than-aboveboard players is higher than average. At least according to the C.R.A.P. Theory. “I paid my money, I can do whatever I want, unless I get caught.”

Let’s boil all that down to a couple of simple sentences for the non-readers. Cheating happens in paintball. It’s more likely to happen there than in, say, competitive chess or tournament macrame.

Worse than Cheating

There’s something worse than (or as bad as) cheating, wiping paint, overshooting, and shooting a gun too hot…  wait for it… and the winner is…

WHINING ABOUT IT.

Not to get all new-agey on you, but whining gives off a negative vibe. If you are always whining about cheating (or anything) people will not want to hang out with you and you will get a negative reputation. In paintball, you really have only three things of value: your skills, your reputation and your enjoyment of the game. Protect and improve all three.

Cheating Happens.

Because paintball is played by people, and according to the C.R.A.P. Theory a given percentage of any large group of people can counted on to be buttheads. part of the problem i s the game is deliberately played in camouflage and you try not to be seen in order to win. This makes it harder for refs to spot an illegal activity. It’s a given that wiping paint, overshooting, and shooting a gun too hot IS GOING TO HAPPEN in paintball. Every time a large group play. Every time.

What Can You Do About It?

Just like in real life, there a limited number of things you can do about ANY situation (job/relationship/game) you don’t like: Change it, accept it AND get happy with it, be miserable about it, or quit.

Here’s what I suggest…

Get over it. Or quit playing. It’s as simple as that. It’s as much a part of the game as carbon dioxide is an ever present part of every breath you take. It’s  small percentage maybe, but it’s there. You can’t eliminate the carbon dioxide from the atmosphere anymore than you can remove cheating from paintball. I am not saying it’s right or that I condone it, I am just stating a fact. So accept it or quit. You don’t have that option with breathing, but you do with paintball.

By getting over it and accepting that this is a part of paintball, you are that much closer to enjoying the game much more fully. And making more enjoyable for the rest of us. For those of you that missed your cue, this is the “Stop Whining” part. Report the infraction to the nearest ref and shake it off. Take a couple deep breaths and focus on how you can make your own game better.  If a specific field doesn’t put a stop to it after reporting numerous times, go to another field. It’s still going to happen, but the most any field can do is limit it as much as possible.

And Writing This Does What, Exactly?

You may think I am writing this whole thing to bitch about the paintball community. “Bitch about” is pretty strong. Let’s go with “educate”. I would even go so far as to say “illuminate” and worse case scenario: “babble to”. I love paintball. I can’t stop people from cheating. That would involve changing the psychology of a significant portion of humanity. That is beyond even my journalistic superpowers. I can only hope to influence players who already have a good ethical set of values to accept the realities of cheating in the game they love, so they can enjoy it more intensely.

Real life, as in paintball, has some bad people in it and sometimes has some unpleasant moments. As in life, the best you can do is to deal with it and make the sport as enjoyable as you can. Learning to shake off the bad moments will make the game (and life) much enjoyable for you.